Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hookup Culture: 101

The auditorium was filled with hopeful students. These students were mostly rejects, far-removed from a sometimes too-efficient community. Most were middle-aged men, recently released from their heterosexual couplings to find what they considered to be freedom. Gayness, easy sex, what could be better? Monogamous dating and roses are fine, but these men just wanted to get their rocks off and with as many guys as possible.
The room was filled with chatter, a husky baseline was like an anchor for the higher pitched rantings. This composition was interrupted by the entrance of the professor. I won't waste my time describing what he looked like. Just imagine your ideal and go with it.
“Good evening. This is the Introduction to Hookup Culture course. I will start right away... ahem (glitter flies from his mouth). There are three ways to ask a complete gay stranger for fellatio. One way is to ask for it, flat out. Another way is to pull your penis out and shake it in the direction of the potential sucker. Depending on the situation, the stranger might oblige. But a more formal and polite way is to invite the stranger for coffee.”
A collective “ohhhh” filled the room, accompanied by a couple of squeals. A breakthrough was made.
The poor baristas won't know what hit them in the upcoming weeks.  

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